NOTHING FEELS AS GOOD AS A CLEAN BED

Luke, Give me the last twinkie

Oh, you got 15 minutes of homework done? Better reward yourself with 6 hours of aimless web surfing

Got into argument with a girl She apologized first

The Ring That Rules Them All is Made in China Gandolf: What can you see? Can you see anything? Frodo: Nothing... there's nothing. Wait... "Made in China"

FALLING ASLEEP In Public

In other news, today: 2 feet of snow fell this morning...

This mah sexy face

so you want secede from the u.s.? Stop. Don't. Come back.

I don't always get drunk But when I do, I wake up in a strange place dressed as a woman

There will be females there? Now I'm definitely not going

The vet charged me $3,000 You get to wear a helmet now!

I beat my pregnant wife to the car, so I could open the door for her

Needs to fart in the cinema farted during an explosion

Wears protective cup For the safety of others